If teardrop stains could be visible on keypads, no one will probably be able to read this right now. Not that I’m crying so I get to hear “sorry”. No, I’m crying because I know I won’t stop crying.. You taught me my number 4 life lesson- Time doesn’t heal everything; the pain of losing a loved one will never go away.

12 years gone and no, there’s no relief from the heart pains. Sorry hasn’t meant forgotten; and letting go would only subdue to holding on.
My brother would have been 36 today, but the world couldn’t just leave one more space in it for him. He was our third born; the middle-born child of 5 kids. I was his baby. He carried me to primary school in his arms and brought me back home in his arms. He was well over six feet, with very straight legs just like mine. He represented my then ill father during my secondary school matriculation. He drove me to secondary school every term and came back to pick me for the holidays. He ironed all my pinafores and told me everything will be okay, with a hug, whenever we had to say temporary goodbyes. The last thing I heard him say was “I’ll come pick you up next Sunday, don’t worry everything will be okay”. He never came back. I was driven home to meet… Not him anymore. Olakunle Feyisayo Oladapo.

I really don’t even know why I’m writing this… Maybe it’s just to encourage someone, anyone, who has lost a loved one and won’t just get over it. Beloved, I know how it feels and no, maybe you’d never get over it… I’m not sure I even have the apt words..
Or maybe I’m writing this as a reminder to myself and everyone reading this,- to never hold back on love. Not to your loved ones, and not to strangers.
We say prayers for our loved ones and we would never ask that they be taken from us so early, but sometimes it’s the things we don’t pray for that actually happen. And in such times, we look up to heaven trying to get answers… Why Oh Creator, Why? Then some time later, we find solace in the phrase “it could have been worse”. It really could have been more tragic; Let’s give thanks anyway.

Thanks-giving in the midst of crisis is one of the hardest things to do. To God, I am honestly grateful anyway; but To God also, It is tough on my heart! In my 23 years yet, I can say without hesitation that this is about the toughest thing I’ve had to deal with. It’s just so hard to let go, to move on, and come to terms with the fact that I’ll never ever get to see him again on earth. It’s unbelievable! You know, It’s one thing to go through life in tough times- knowing the situation can actually get better. There is life, there is hope; But then it’s another thing to go through situations when you know “That is the end!” There is NO hope, nothing can change… and that, my friend, is HARD!!

Again, I’m wondering what I am doing on this page- writing this. Then I think I know. No, I actually know! LOVE. Yes, Love is the reason why I’m writing. We hear the word all the time and we seem to just common-ise and overlook it. Have you ever sat down to ponder on the power of LOVE? I’m not talking about the kind of love that only concerns two persons of opposite sexes and thrives only in benefits. I’m talking about that kind of love that takes charge of your life and you don’t even know it! The kind of love that keeps you smiling long after reasons are finished; The kind of love that shows you beauty in the midst of overwhelming ashes; The kind that makes you strong even when your heart is broken; That kind of love that even death cannot hold back! Yes maybe this love cannot make the dead body come alive, but it can make sure the dead heart doesn’t stop beating;

This kind of love, only originates from a life of discovery and relationship- with the one Creator, begins with loving your own self, and becomes manifest in loving others just as your own self. This kind of love, my friend, is possible.

This brings me back to my reminding us- Never hold back on love. Not to your loved ones, and not to strangers. Love is in many things. These things they say, are not overrated:

Don’t ever take anyone in life for granted. Don’t hold the kind words back. Create the good moments and enjoy every bit of them! Laugh, cry, eat and sleep together. Take non-perfect, random pictures. Shout on the quiet streets. Don’t hold grudges for too long. Don’t be cranky all the time. Be yourself and allow for others to be themselves. Give your time to people. Hug a lot. Don’t negotiate your own happiness, don’t be the “why” someone else is sad. Learn to assume less, and communicate more. Don’t just watch things go bad- say/do something. Smile often. Don’t postpone the “I Love you, I’m sorry, and I miss you”. Above all, if you will do anything at all, make sure you’re doing it, with the whole of your heart. Because at the end of the day, it’s the love (or hate) you have shown in many things that become the memories- not only others, but you as well, hold on to.

To my brother/sister who still grieves for the soul of a loved lost one, I may not be able to ease the pain much because perhaps you may never be free of the pain; but I want you, us, to understand that- yes, looking on the bright side in the midst of a crisis may be difficult, but becoming irrevocably broken and a forever pity as a result of a crisis is much more disastrous. Let’s move on with the pain not by throwing it away, but by planting it in love.- That is the only way to keep the lights of our loved ones on.

To the people in Paris, Syria, Nigeria and all over the world who have lost dear ones in these recent dark times, I am praying for you and I’m sending you a i-understand hug. Love will see you through.

To my dearest Olakunle Feyisayo Oladapo, I see you every day- in my long legs, and in the love we shared. That love, is what I share to everyone today. You live on and
…Don’t you stop shining down on me and mummy and daddy and Sis B and Pee from heaven. We love you and miss you.
Happy Birthday, in heaven!💔